It has been a long time since my last post. Besides flying “home” to see my family, working on our Operation Christmas Child program for church, hiking a 14’er, working long hours, and ministering with Samaritan’s Purse in the cleanup of 2 local wildfires, I’ve been doing a lot of thinking. I have been thinking about how to communicate what I learned about myself, others, and the real meaning of Mother’s Day.
I attended church on Mother’s Day for the first time in 5 years. We recently joined a church plant and I felt comfortable venturing to the service, with only slight hesitation. D and I sat in the back with a couple that recently had a failed IVF, losing their twins just a week earlier; I thought to myself that it was only by God’s grace that they were able to bring themselves to the service that day. The kids choir sang a few songs, then they were sent to their seats. I was chatting with my friend, when I looked up and saw my cousin’s daughter walking toward me with a carnation.
This cousin was the only person that knew how much I was struggling with attending the service.
This child walking toward me was one of two reasons I was even there (to watch her and her sister sing).
I love this child very dearly.
I broke down.
I thought I was being singled out. What I didn’t know, until 15 seconds later, was that every woman in the service was getting a carnation. By the time I figured this out, I was already audibly sobbing, and had to leave the service.
I did not make it back in to the service that day.
I so appreciated the intent of the carnation. I appreciated how much thought our pastor and his family had put into making every woman feel appreciated. I loved that people were thinking of me and praying for me.
But I have decided that I will not be attending Mother’s Day services in the future. I gave it my best shot, but it just seemed to be the perfect storm. I went to church to hear the girls sing, to hear the Word of God, and to worship Him. I did not want to be pointed out; I did not want to take away from the meaning of MOTHER’s Day. I did not want the Mothers to feel just like every other woman there.
I hate hearing myself say these words, but I believe this is all part of the purpose of this blog. Eventually, I want to write a book (with the help of a few of my dear friends) that will help churches counsel infertile couples; how to handle the situation, what type of things to bring up in pre-marital counseling (1 in 4 couples will struggle with some form of infertility), and how the situation can be used for God’s glory. Educating church leadership and counseling couples in these matters will only be helpful it is filled with truths based on life experiences.
This is a process. God’s not finished with me yet, and this story is not over.
LackOfNothing 