In early February, I received an email from my sister who was just checking in on me. My response (February 4, 2009): “We’re doing ok. I’ve been pretty discouraged by last month’s happenings, but am still trying to be hopeful. In order to keep my hopes up, I continue to buy maternity clothes online. =) That helps for a little while.”
We returned to the infertility center in February to take a second attempt at Clomid and insemination. However, my ultrasound showed that I had 4 cysts, and one of them was 2 and 1/2 inches across. Yeah… that’s one big cyst! Since I couldn’t take clomid (taking Clomid with cysts on your ovaries can cause your ovaries to explode), we decided to inseminate with the one egg that was ready to ovulate naturally (we had seen the egg in the last months’ ultrasound). In an email I sent out on February 13, 2009, I updated everyone on my ever-changing emotional state: “So, I’m leaving my frustrated state, and am back to excited. Maybe even more excited than last month knowing that there is no chance for over-stimulation [too many eggs]. I know that this is all part of God’s plan, and I’m excited to see how it all plays out.”
Reading those words again, right now, I am surprised at my own statement. It’s almost as though I’m reading the thoughts and feelings of a completely different person.
Of course, before they would inseminate, they had to confirm that I had an egg. I went in for the ultrasound on February 23rd. I sent out an update email,
“…I had an ultrasound this morning, which revealed that I only have one egg this month (as opposed to five), which I am quite excited about. Even the ultrasound tech said, ‘I am guessing that this is how it was meant to happen for you. There’s a lot of science involved with this, but it’s always up to fate’. I couldn’t agree with her more, but in place of ‘fate’, I inserted ‘God’… After feeling discouraged and borderline depressed this entire month, I finally felt elated again.”
LackOfNothing 